Desolate

Definition :

joyless, disconsolate, and sorrowful through or as if through separation from a loved one <a desolate widow>

I am desolate. Tonight I feel more alone than ever. This is my first night completely alone in 6 months? a year? A long long time. I'm not too good at being by myself, With nothing to distract me from my own mind. I'm good at being with people. I'm good at being busy, When i'm with people i get so good at lying that i start to believe my own shit. i start to believe that i am happy and healthy. i start to believe i am worth something.

but now, i am alone. There is no one here to take my mind off the fact that i am nothing but an empty shell. I will be alone tomorrow as well. I will be nothing tomorrow, There's no point in pretending when there's nothing to pretend for. So tomorrow, i will lay in bed, pretending that i don't exist and hoping that someday soon i will just stop existing all together. i am worthless.

Besides, Who could miss me? They know nothing of who I am, Of what I used to be, And even if they did, Who could love a memory?

My secret : I want to be saved.